Marie was subjected to digital violence by her partner: “Daily threats”

The lawyer Rebecca Lagh has been dealing with violence in close relationships for twenty years. Especially as a plaintiff’s attorney for vulnerable women.

She has observed with concern how digital violence via text messages, email and social media has exploded during this time. Because it is a very serious violence.

– Digital violence is so dangerous because it is always there. It can be more harmful than physical violence. You can never rest from it. Anyone exposed to this is really exhausted, says Rebecca Lagh.

Digital violence is a general term for psychological violence that is carried out using digital tools such as cell phones, computers or GPS transmitters.

The perpetrator uses every means possible to control, threaten and harm his former partner through a constant stream of unwanted contact. The victim must never be left alone.

Marie actually has a different name. She and her children live with a protected identity after facing control, threats and sexual violence for several years. But she couldn’t have imagined that everything would get worse if she took the children with her and left her husband.

– That’s when things started to get crazy digitally. When it was at its most intense, he was able to post 200 threatening posts about me on social media every day. Before I had time to change my phone number, he was able to send over 100 text messages in an hour. “It completely destroyed me,” says Marie.

She says that the intensity of the unwanted contact affected her at least as negatively as the threats that he would destroy her and the children’s lives or kill them all.

– There was not a single break, except while he was in custody. Then it was quiet for the first time. The constant flow cost me my life, she says.

For the first time Marie When she handed her phone over to the police to clear it of content, she was told there were too many posts that needed to be addressed. They didn’t have the resources for that, she says.

So Marie had to do it herself. It took its toll to once again wade through the huge volume of threats, harassment and slander in emails and social media to find evidence for police. I read again about how ugly and disgusting she is, all the lies he spreads publicly, about cheating on the children, kidnapping and abusing them, stealing things from her employer and getting fired.

Rebecca Lagh was Marie’s attorney for the plaintiff. She helped her figure out what might be a crime. During the police investigation, new suspected cases continued to emerge. At the same time, previous crimes investigated by the police were barred. Or the investigation was stopped by the police. Rebecca Lagh believes that many violations of the no-contact order have been eliminated.

She estimates that Marie was exposed to tens of thousands of unwanted contacts and posts from her ex-husband.

– It is difficult to understand the extent of digital violence just by looking at individual events. That’s why social services, police or prosecutors don’t always consider it so dangerous. This can result in this violence not being properly investigated from the outset, but may escalate before anyone recognizes the pattern.

Digital violence is part of the so-called after-violence and often increases after a separation to an extent that becomes almost unbearable, says Rebecca Lagh. Research shows that it’s not uncommon for women to regret leaving a relationship, she says.

Psychological violence is not illegal in itself. Instead, police investigators who receive these cases look for other crimes that may be relevant. For example, it could be harassment.

– In the legal context, this is a relatively minor crime and therefore may not be immediately investigated. These cases tend to be put on hold because there are many other, more serious crimes to investigate, says Rebecca Lagh.

Unsolicited contact can constitute several other crimes, such as: B. illegal threats, data protection violations or illegal use of identity as well as sexual abuse via the Internet. Rebecca Lagh says that it is therefore important to also look at what happened before.

– The investigator may not know that there were previous reports. One must see the full extent, frequency and escalation of the violence.

Furthermore, it is increasing Digital violence is generally spreading very quickly in society and it will be difficult for the judiciary to keep up with developments, says Rebecca Lagh. It is not equipped for this type of crime. Police don’t have the resources to investigate thousands of screenshots, text messages and tags, she believes.

According to Rebecca Lagh, the police and prosecutors in Marie’s case did not respond seriously until her ex-husband began threatening the police and judges in the custody case. At that time there was talk of threats against officials.

Marie’s former partner was ultimately convicted of over 100 restraining order violations, unlawful stalking, unlawful threats and sexual assault. The sentence was a suspended sentence.

– It almost felt like a mockery. I was followed and threatened every day for four years and lived in fear. “But at that moment I was just happy to get a little justification somewhere,” says Marie.

The man was sentenced to three months in prison for the threats against the officers.

“I’m certainly not saying it’s OK to threaten officers, but it still says something about how we view these crimes,” Rebecca Lagh said.

It was a BVC nurse who kept Marie under surveillance after a home visit, which ultimately led Marie to leave her husband and report it to the police.

– I really owe her a lot, she says.

The children’s father has been a free man for a long time. Marie says he continues to threaten her and the children using her old email address. She just keeps it so she can see what mood he’s in.

– It’s probably some kind of codependency basically. I don’t feel good reading his emails. Still, I do it. I need to know he’s not on our trail because he’s still looking for us. But I realized that reporting it to the police again won’t do anything. He will never stop.

The many years of digital violence have left deep marks on Marie’s life. She tells us that throughout her life she has woken up every morning with an almost provocative joy before a new day.

– Today I am a gray shadow of my former self. My self-esteem and confidence are gone. It’s so sad that my children will never see the person I once was. But at least I secured her future, she says.

Read more: “Psychological violence can be more serious than physical violence”